even my farts smell like vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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