ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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