i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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