I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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