The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
