I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
