I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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