So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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