Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
