Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
