i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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