you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
