last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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