Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
