Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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