I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
