Your tits are I can't wait for
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
