We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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