I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
