Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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