Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
