dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
