just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
