He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
