im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
