Need sex. Gaining weight.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
