Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
