im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
