Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
