matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
