I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she woke up with a sticky ear
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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