I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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