All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
