Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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