Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
