Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
