Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
