The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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