i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
someone owes me an orgasm
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
