you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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