I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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