when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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