Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
