She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize