My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My cat gives me a boner
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
