guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Shame is for Republicans.
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