I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How naked do you want me to be?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
