Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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