dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
then he tried to convert me to islam
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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