I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize