You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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