My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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