Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
