So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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