I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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