Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
