It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
