i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
