I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
