his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
