Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
