maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
