i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
