Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
