her facebook's as public as her vagina
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
