I'm really into asian looking animals
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
