It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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