Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
