It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
