this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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