life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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