I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
