it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You can't just leave with hair like that
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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