Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
