I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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