Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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