I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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