Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
