Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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