Say something about gay babies.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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