Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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