Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
