dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
