I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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