Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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