batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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