so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
