Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
