I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
