I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I cannot find my penis.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
