Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
