do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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