"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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