Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
