Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
