yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
