I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
